I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
