Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
