You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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