yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
