Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize