I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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