1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
