Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
