Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
