Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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