That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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