I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
