Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
