that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My vagina is very pro this idea
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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