I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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