best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize