no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize