Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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