and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
