Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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