I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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