I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
