girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
