...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
