im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
