new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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