If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
