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Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
