The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize