he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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