she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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