pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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