Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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