she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize