Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
