An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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