So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
