Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Text me some of your sweat
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize