He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just pee around me
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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