grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
