So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
