Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
