so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
