Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
