come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
