So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
