u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We just shotgunned beers for America
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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