i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
