Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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