evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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