my soul wont recognize me after tonight
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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