you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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