his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
