I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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