Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
this beer tastes like vomit already
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
