I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
