nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize