My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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