I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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