She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
