Just took my morning after pill in the library
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
