Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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