On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
