I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
