Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Randomize
