im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
