Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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